My Musical Breakdown

Yesterday music seemed to just break me down. It allowed so many emotions just to release from within me (without me even knowing they were all there-gotta love a logical brain!)

From the songs I cried to, I can now say that I am homesick and weary.

Michael Buble’s song “Home” came on while I was driving and I had to pull over, because I couldn’t see past the river that was forming from my eyes! The song was over and returned quickly to my errands.

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

Then “All because of Jesus” comes on and the lyrics have never felt more real to me.

I am alive because I’m alive in You

It’s all because of Jesus I’m alive
It’s all because the blood of Jesus Christ
That covers me and raised this dead man’s life
It’s all because of Jesus

The last 2.5 months, I’ve been sick with a parasite/amoeba. There have been many issues with trying to get insurance, unwilling doctors and me being allergic to the one medicine I finally got. I was on a very limiting diet, as I was unable to digest anything that wasn’t in a liquid or boiled form. From unable to absorb any nutrients and constant diarrhea, I was going down a steep slope to poor health quickly. For a few weeks, I was unable to drive as I was very weak and faint. It was scary. I was flirting with the depression line. I wanted to die and prayed that He would take me. But He didn’t. And it’s all because of Jesus that I’m alive. Without Him there would be no hope in continuing. He is my Healer and is still healing me.

Finally, to wrap up the emotional day of songs, was…

I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the one who gave it all
I’ll stand
My soul Lord to you surrendered
All I am is yours

This brought me back to a verse in Ephesians 6 about standing in regards to not giving up and fighting back spiritually.

“Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firmStand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth…”

Being one who like to study the structure of languages. I love how the writer ends with “stand firm” and then begins the next sentences with “Stand therefore”. It puts so much emphasis on choosing to stand, and keep on standing!

To say that I am tired and weary is an understatement. I’m homesick, want to be well and want to give up. Yet, I know I need to stand. I need to stand and fight, regardless of what I feel.

stand therefore

What storm are you facing today? Health? Finances? Relationship? Family? How will you choose to respond to the hardships you’re facing? Will you stand with me or will you give in? Comment below, I would love to pray for you!


About lizolson

I love people, culture and languages! I have served in Thailand for 5.5 years helping to empower women and children who are at risk of being trafficked or who are working in the sex industry. Everyone deserves a second chance....
This entry was posted in My Journey, Spiritual Journey, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to My Musical Breakdown

  1. alysseay says:

    Wow Liz. I feel so proud of you for your perseverance. Standing with you!

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