I haven’t written in a few weeks, because I didn’t really know what I was doing. I was trying to figure out why I was here and if I was really making a difference. I lost sight of what I wanted and where I was going. If it wasn’t for my community back home and the words the team spoke to me, I probably would not have been able to stick it through.
I’m used to doing a lot. I don’t know what it is like to do nothing, and that is what this month has felt like to me. The previous month I was busy preparing for the teams that were coming, but once the teams arrived what was my role?
I talked and listened with the team members and met with the team leaders. That was it. But many told me this was their first month where they had someone that was available for them. To chat about what God is doing in them and concerns regarding ministry. They said they were extremely thankful for me and what I am doing here.
Then as I was writing an encouragement card, this verse stood out to me.
I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead.
I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death…
I started thinking, what do I want to do? Deep deep down, what do I want to do? Who do I want to serve? How can I serve them effectively? Is it biblical or selfish?
I am still processing these questions, but it has been good to go to Him and allow Him to reveal (and re-reveal) these items to me.
I know God has called me to Chiang Mai, Thailand despite any difficulties that need to be overcome, I know I am suppose to be here.
Some other I want to’s in the bible:
The man answered, “Who is he, sir? I want to believe in him.”
And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway.
When I am with those who are weak, I share their weakness, for I want to bring the weak to Christ. Yes, I try to find common ground with everyone, doing everything I can to save some.
I am writing this to you before I come, hoping that I won’t need to deal severely with you when I do come. For I want to use the authority the Lord has given me to strengthen you, not to tear you down.