I’m a baby
Yep I said it. The best way I can describe my health now is through the stages a baby goes through.
Stage 1: 0 to 3 months
Babies do not do much and are fully dependant on others. When they are set down, they do not move much. They may lift their head while laying down, smile, and begin to open and close their little hands. They sleep most of the day and cry. That’s about it.
This was me in the hospital. All I could do was lay down. There would be a few moments where I would be able to smile, or wiggle a toe or two; but I do not do much besides take pills (that the nurses gave me), go to the bathroom (with help) and sleep…and maybe cry with a painful injection or FIVE in my tiny veins. I did not have the strength to do anything else.
Stage 2: 4 to 6 months
Now babies are learning to reach out and manipulate the world around them. They’re mastering the use of those amazing tools, their hands. It is not uncommon to see babies learn to roll over, laugh and even sit up with support.
After some much needed nutrients finally were in my system (yay for IV fluid!), my strength was slowing coming back to me. I would find that I would sit up (with support), change new positions in bed and I would even have some moments where I would laugh in the hospital.
Stage 3: 7 to 9 months
This is where babies really begin to become active! After learning that they can get somewhere by rolling over, they’ll spend the next few months figuring out how to crawl, sit without support and learn to pull up into a standing position.
I think this has been me now, out of the hospital. I am learning how to get around, but the hard part is knowing I used to know how to sprint, and here I am crawling. I am having to learn how to embrace the process and rest where I need to. Babies NEED rest and rest often (and this is what I need now). I am trying to sprint back into ministry, and I know it can be more harmful than good, but my heart does not fully understand what my head my know.
Stages 4: 10 months +
This is the stage where the baby really can engage with society, pointing for attention, able to communicate a few words and begin to walk. Then after this, the baby becomes more condfident in walking, and it turns to a jog and later a run, and after years of practice that run becomes a sprint.
I am not here yet, but deep down I want to be back here. I want to be back and able to love and serve the many women who think they are trapped in a nightmare. I want to be back and well. I want to be there to love on the women who come to my English Classes. I miss hearing their stories. I miss seeing them feel safe. I miss them….
Can you join me in prayer for me? I know I NEED to give myself grace in this entire process. I know I NEED rest. I know I need to release the ‘pressures’ that people may put on me in my healing process.