You know when you write something and then those words seem to bit you in the butt later? Well that seems to be true with my last blog. I said:
“It is a theme I have been learning here, “When you do not see fruit, keep sewing.” I am called here to sew love into the lives of these women and I will keep ‘sewing’ even when there is no ‘fruit from my labor’ because that is what the Lord has called me here for.”
It seems to be me speaking into me.
I went to English class again, yet this time it was after the 2 interviews of these women. I went in hopeful and full of joy and I came out crushed.
One of the women came and told me she could not come out. You may be asking, “why?”. It all came down to money. She has 2 children in Northern Thailand. One is 14 and the other is 6 years old. Her sister is taking care of her children (a very common thing here). She says that whenever her sister asks for money, that she is forced to give it to her because she is watching her kids. She sends 10,000 Baht home every month. As I was trying to get more details and clarity on her situation, I was hurting for her more and more.
I know she needs to provide for her family, and that money is needed for that.
Maybe it is my Western perspective, but she is currently spending 7,000 Baht on room and board. If she were to come to SHE, she would not be paying that and she would also be able to get an income on top of that saving, which totals to the amount she wishes to have. But it was not clear to her.
She has worked in the bars for 4 years now and has gotten used to making a lot of money and living an easier lifestyle. If she really wanted to, she could come out today, live a simpler life and still be able to provide for her family.
I have brainstormed every possible situation that I could think of (going home and raising her kids, having her kids come down here and live at SHE too, coming to SHE, etc…).
It all boiled down to a number and I asked her what that was. She said 20,000-10,000 for my family and 5,000 for me. Knowing this did not add up, I said “so really 15,000 Baht.” That is her number, 15,000. Like it or not, that is what it is.
What you need to know is a good salary for a Thai is 7,000 Baht. With a college education is about 10,000 Baht. So for her to have her minimum at 15,000 is really unreasonable. I live simply and comfortably on 9,000 Baht and this included everything and I am also paying into the ministry.
It boils down to money and a comfortable lifestyle. Is that worth selling yourself and allowing yourself to be daily abused? It is not my question to answer, though I wish I could sometimes.
I love her.
But going back to the previous blog, I am called to sew. “When you do not see fruit, keep sewing.”
I guess this is a taste of how God may feel. He knows and sees the bigger picture and hates His children being hurt and abused. And He so desperately wants them to step into freedom, but because they have free will and a choice, they choose for some reason not to take it. It doesn’t make any sense, but He chooses them to love them through it all. And He is always right there waiting for the day when they run to Him.
So I will wait… wait for her to run into freedom. I will continue to love her as the Father does no matter what she chooses.